


trains are (mostly) boring

by asilra



Category: Skulduggery Pleasant - Derek Landy
Genre: F/M, in which they go on a train ride????, tdotl spoilers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-07
Updated: 2016-03-07
Packaged: 2018-05-25 07:30:38
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,403
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6185932
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/asilra/pseuds/asilra
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>set post-tdotl (beware of spoilers)<br/>valkyrie and skulduggery have to take the train somewhere for a case. a long, cross-country, boring train trip. valkyrie is bored to the bone. unfortunately, she doesn't expect a near-splatting, dangerous, magic experience. this'll be fun.</p>
            </blockquote>





	trains are (mostly) boring

**Author's Note:**

> my first fanfic???????????? ahhhhhhh  
> of course its sp. and very drabbly. also kinda leaning towards valdug fluff? idk.  
> pls take it easy on me. as I said, baby's first fanfic.  
> (it may also involve skulduggery singing hozier, but shhhhh, that's a surprise)

_Trains are boring_ , Valkyrie reflected as she stared at the seemingly endless rolling hills passing by.

If only Skulduggery hadn’t insisted that it would be fun for him and Valkyrie taking a long, ‘beautiful’, and boring as hell train trip across Europe to some country god-knows-where. Sure it wouldn’t take as long to get to their destination if they’d taken a plane, but no. No private airfields in this tiny country, apparently.

So there they were, Skulduggery Pleasant and Valkyrie Cain, sitting on uncomfortable velveteen seats, aimlessly staring out the window on this boring, boring train ride.

“I’m bored.” Valkyrie complained “Really bored.”

Skulduggery sighed, quite a feat for someone without lungs, and took his eyes away from the memo he was reading.

“So you’ve said, many times.”

“You’d think the Sanctuary would provide us a better train. A more luxurious one perhaps? It smells a little like stale mould in here. Plus, we couldn’t even board it in Ireland.”

“Ah, stale mould, the worst type. No, my dear Valkyrie, this cargo train was the best thing they had. Anyway, at least it has a carriage for passengers.”

“Carriage for passengers?” Valkyrie snickered. “It’s barely wide enough for me to walk through.” She frowned and gestured to the thin aisle between the several rows of ugly seats. “I hate to admit it, but I would much rather be in one of the Arthur Dagan’s trains right now. Even the one with the Hollow Men.”

“Is that your sneaky way of saying you’d rather embarrass yourself in front of Hansard Kray again than be squished in a tiny, mould-smelling train carriage?” Skulduggery retorted.

“No!” Valkyrie replied, just a bit too quickly. “But at least their trains looked good, inside and out. And they were comfy.”

Skulduggery tilted his head in that manner of his. “The only Dagan Logistics train you’ve ever seen or been on was the invisible one.”

“Yeah! That’s why it looked cool from the outside, cause it wasn’t even there! But it was! And the inside,” Valkyrie smiled dreamily, then sulked. “The inside had real velvet seats. Not just dumb uncomfortable fake ones.”

Skulduggery adjusted his hat and tie. “Stop complaining, Valkyrie. We’ve nearly reached our destination. Just gaze out the window and enjoy the spectacular view.”

“What view? The endless hills? What country are we even in?” Valkyrie raised an eyebrow. “Are we actually nearly there?”

“Good god Valkyrie, no. We only boarded an hour ago. We haven’t even reached the tunnel.”

“I hate you.” Valkyrie sulked.

“You love me. Admit it.”

“A tunnel? Who could have imagined a view better than this one? And you know what they say,” she joked dryly. “Time flies when you’re having fun.”

Skulduggery ignored her jokes. “I notice you didn’t respond to me asking you to confess your undying love. Either way, I think the tunnel may pique your interest. It’s…” he hesitated. “I’m sure you’ll find it rather amusing.”

Valkyrie raised an eyebrow. “Meaning?”

“You’ll see when we get there. Speaking of which…”

Skulduggery pulled out a pocket watch from his waistcoat. He’d worn a lot of waistcoats lately. They suited him, Valkyrie reckoned.

“We’re due to arrive at the tunnel in approximately two minutes.”

* * *

 They sat in near silence for two minutes, hearing only the sound of the old-fashioned cargo train on suitably old tracks. The only movement inside the carriage was Valkyrie impatiently tapping her knee. Skulduggery didn’t seem to take any notice of it, so Valkyrie didn’t attempt to subdue it. It was an old habit of hers, and as someone had once said, ‘old habits die hard’.

Suddenly, the carriage was enveloped in darkness, and the rhythmic clacking of the tracks was replaced by a near-deafening screeching. Valkyrie was lurched forward and Skulduggery, almost unaffected by the abrupt stop, gently caught her before she hit the seat opposite. She sat there for a moment, hands on her shoulders, caught off guard by how close they suddenly were. Skulduggery laughed awkwardly, ruining the moment, and Valkyrie cautiously leaned back.

”That,” she scowled, “was not amusing. That was painful. And awkward. And probably really bad for my back. You could have warned me.”

Skulduggery shook his head sadly. “Trains these days. You never know when they’re stopping.”

“Uh yeah…” A pause. “Why have we stopped in the dar-?”

Valkyrie was cut short by her own screams as the train fell, so fast that both she and Skulduggery were launched into the air. Skulduggery had reflexes fast enough to cushion the air before he hit his head. Valkyrie did not have the reflexes nor elemental magic to do so. A split second before her head slammed violently and agonizingly into the overhead shelf, a cocoon of light surrounded Valkyrie that was so immensely bright it would have blinded Skulduggery if he had eyes.

The fall went on for several seconds, and as soon as Valkyrie hit the ground, her magic retracted. She looked up at Skulduggery, who had conjured a flame, and recognised that familiar burning red from years ago and how it danced around him. A glance at her hands revealed a white glow and then she blinked and it was gone. The train started again, slowly this time, accelerating carefully.

Skulduggery cocked his head sideways. “That was very peculiar.”

Valkyrie grinned. “Part of my new repertoire. I also saw our very pretty magic auras again.” She paused. “I have no idea how to control either of them, though. I reckon I’m in need of some long-awaited practice.”

“You were very close to going splat there, my dear Valkyrie.” Skulduggery commented.

“Yeah, but my magic kicked in just in time. So I didn’t go splat.”

“But what about next time? What if your magic doesn’t kick in?”

“Then how about as soon as we get home, I start training all the weird stuff. I’m pretty okay with the lightning and energy, but this magic bubble and aura stuff seems really random.” Valkyrie looked at her hands.

“It’s agreed then. We’ll start trying to understand how all the currently unpredictable magic works as soon as we return to Dublin.” Skulduggery agreed.

Valkyrie nodded and glanced out the window. There appeared to now be a thin strip of neon light illuminating an otherwise impossibly dark environment. “Where even are we right now?”

“Somewhere under the Lombardia in Italy, I think. The tunnel started just before we entered Italian territory.” Skulduggery answered.

Valkyrie pulled up a mental map of Europe. “Lombardy? Wouldn’t it take us hours to cross Italy?” Her eyes widened in excitement. “How fast are we going?”

“Well, I’m not sure of our exact speed, but we are going fast enough that, if it weren’t for the magic sustaining the train, you would not be having a good time. You’d be rather concussed. Or unconscious.” Skulduggery hesitated. “Or dead.”

“Cheers,” she said, rolling her eyes. “And what about you?”

“Oh, me?” He replied. “I honestly have no idea. Hopefully in a state superior to yours.”

“Charming, that is.” She stressed the syllables. “ _But,_ this is a much cooler train than I originally thought. Exceptionally cooler. And exceptionally deadlier. You could have warned me about the drop.”

Skulduggery laughed. “To be honest, Valkyrie, I had completely forgotten about the drop.” He paused. “Glad to have changed your mind on something. It’s a smooth ride from here on out, though.”

* * *

They sat without words for some time, and Valkyrie realised how soothing the click-clack of the train tracks was. She yawned, realising how tired she was. Skulduggery cocked his head.

“I am getting rather tired.” Valkyrie yawned again. “Sing me a lullaby.”

“Seriously, Valkyrie?” he asked.

“Yeah, seriously. I’ve barely had any sleep in the last 24 hours, and your lullabies never fail to make me sleepy.” She said, leaning into him and closing her eyes.

“I don’t know whether that was a compliment or not.”

“It was, I promise.” She said softly.

Skulduggery shrugged gently, opened his mouth (or jaw, rather) and began to sing a heavenly soft rendition of a song that Valkyrie soon recognised as Hozier’s _Cherry Wine_.

Valkyrie smiled to herself and slowly dozed off. In that moment she was lost in his voice, pure as the heavens, sweet as sin.

_The way she shows me I’m hers and she’s mine_

_Open hand or closed fist it would be fine_

_The blood is rare and sweet as cherry wine…_

**Author's Note:**

> haaaaha hope I didn't bore you outta your brain.  
> thank u <3 for taking time to read my shitty lil fanfic tho.


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